I talk with a lot of people about breakups and divorce. Many people aren't really sure if they should try to save their marriage or stop their break up. They don't know whether to try to get back together with their ex wife, ex husband, ex boyfriend, or ex girlfriend.

Many times it is human nature to want to get back our ex. Nobody likes to loose at anything, let alone at their personal relationships. This feeling of failure can sometimes cloud our judgment. It is important to find out if we want our ex back because they truly mean that much to us, or if the feeling of failure is causing us to want to fix it and make it right. Human nature can cause us to want to fix this so we can feel like we have overcome our failures.

Other times, when you are on the receiving end of a divorce or breakup, similar human tendencies kick in and we try to mend a broken relationship. When people learn that the other person is breaking it off, the first response is usually to try to stop it. This is just human nature. Rarely does someone accept a break up fully and not try to stop it.

What is important is to find out whether or not you truly want to stop your break up or divorce for the right reasons. Do you really want to get back together with that ex, or are those feeling just your human response to the situation.

The reality is that taking some time to do some soul searching will probably give you the best answer. I advise the following plan:

Take a week or so to reflect on the relationship. Keep a journal with the four following sections.

1) Great Memories
2) Bad Memories
3) Things he/she Did To Me That Can't Be Forgiven
4) Amazing Things he/she Did For Me That I Will Never Forget

Just the act of writing this journal will show you a lot about what direction you should go in. But, in case it isn't clear by the end of the week here is what to do. Add up all the memories in section 1 and section 3. Then add up all the memories in section 2 and section 4. If there are more good memories than bad, give it another chance. If there are more bad memories than good, concentrate on healing yourself and move on. Someone is out there for you, you just haven't found him or her yet….but you will.

If you have more good memories than bad just remember to give it "another chance" not "commit to a lifetime." This is just an exercise to see if you should try it again. Good luck and remember you can't truly give love to others unless you truly love yourself!

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Esteban Torres
December 13th 2008

ConnectedAgain.com is website dedicated to helping couples stay together so they can live happy and loving lives.

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