When to stop a break up or divorce:
Trouble deciding whether to save your relationship?
I talk with a lot of people about breakups and divorce. Many
people aren't really sure if they should try to save their
marriage or stop their break up. They don't know whether to try
to get back together with their ex wife, ex husband, ex
boyfriend, or ex girlfriend.
Many times it is human nature to want to get back our ex.
Nobody likes to loose at anything, let alone at their personal
relationships. This feeling of failure can sometimes cloud our
judgment. It is important to find out if we want our ex back
because they truly mean that much to us, or if the feeling of
failure is causing us to want to fix it and make it right.
Human nature can cause us to want to fix this so we can feel
like we have overcome our failures.
Other times, when you are on the receiving end of a divorce or
breakup, similar human tendencies kick in and we try to mend a
broken relationship. When people learn that the other person is
breaking it off, the first response is usually to try to stop
it. This is just human nature. Rarely does someone accept a
break up fully and not try to stop it.
What is important is to find out whether or not you truly want
to stop your break up or divorce for the right reasons. Do you
really want to get back together with that ex, or are those
feeling just your human response to the situation.
The reality is that taking some time to do some soul searching
will probably give you the best answer. I advise the following
Take a week or so to reflect on the relationship. Keep a
journal with the four following sections.
1) Great Memories
2) Bad Memories
3) Things he/she Did To Me That Can't Be Forgiven
4) Amazing Things he/she Did For Me That I Will Never
Just the act of writing this journal will show you a lot about
what direction you should go in. But, in case it isn't clear by
the end of the week here is what to do. Add up all the memories
in section 1 and section 3. Then add up all the memories in
section 2 and section 4. If there are more good memories than
bad, give it another chance. If there are more bad memories
than good, concentrate on healing yourself and move on. Someone
is out there for you, you just haven't found him or her
yet….but you will.
If you have more good memories than bad just remember to give
it "another chance" not "commit to a lifetime." This is just an
exercise to see if you should try it again. Good luck and
remember you can't truly give love to others unless you truly
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December 13th 2008
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